Okay, I know this is a topic that is definitely one for the ages. I didn’t even know it was a thing, until it happened to me about a year ago. I really just thought his phone was broken, or he was in an accident. Uh yea, dumb me, so I decided to actually do a bit of research on this, after I realized neither was the issue.
So first of all, Ghosting is actually defined. For those that didn’t know, it is defined as a “ practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication”
I have to admit, as insignificant as the act is, the feelings for the ghostee can be devastating. Imagine having regular communication with somone and they just “poof” and I am not talking about people you talk to once every blue moon, but real timely communication. You talk regaulary maybe a few times a week and then suddently they disappear.
But why is this even a topic?
Well being ghosted has been experienced by at least 50% of men and women dating today, and in turn, they do the same thing to others. Now I have to admit I thought this was a ”Millennials” thing. But unfortunately everyone jumps on this bandwagon. The problem with this, all jokes aside, is that the emotional effects can be horrible and damaging. the low Self esteem, self doubt, unknowingness, depression all happening to the ghostee.
So why ghost?
Cowardness is my number one. I’m sorry but it is. Whatever the issue, its only right if you truly have begun a relationship of any sort that at least to let the person know that you are not dead. This is what I don’t like, when I talk to my friends and they say “He don’t need to know anything just stop calling him and block him!” I personally can’t do that, because my spirit will not allow it. Its just common courtesy, he/she may be a great asset to you one day and you never know how the tides ebb and flow. So why be mean, if there is nothing going on negatively and its just a matter of one person not meeting your expectations, or there are issues, problems, they already have a significant other and you need to hit the bricks quick, don’t you think its better to say “Hey, I am so sorry, but we are getting pretty close, so I need to tell you I have a girlfriend” listen to the moans, the cries, the whys. Hell he/she may be okay with it and stay with you just the same (smh….. totally differenct conversation) but in any respect just come clean.
Why you shouldn’t ghost?
Feelings!! Come on!!! What have we all been taught!!?? Give someone a choice. Ghosting does not allow the person to fix whatever it is they are giving off and that could be helpful. Scenario: What if a person cuts you off in every sentence, thinks they are right and you are wrong, just an inconsiderate person all together. You wanna cut and run, but you say “Hey I need someone that takes me seriously and supports me” This may be a defining moment, maybe no one ever told them and maybe its something that they are wiling to change for you! Hmmmm or they could simply say “screw you” and still “keeps it moving”.. oh well at least there is closure.
Our world today is so full of “Whatifs” and there is so much death and destruction out here. he/she may think you are the greatest thing since slice bread, but unfortunately you just don’t like them and not into them. Its going to be hard, but why have someone think you are hurt, or dead. Just tell them you want to move on, you are saving a lot of heartache.
Okay your feelings in a nutshell:
Concern: “Did he/she die? Social media search, (3 hours later)… Maybe they are hurt….” Social Media, hospital and crime report search… (another 3 hours later)… then you see them on FACEBOOK…WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anger: “What the hell, I cant belive they had the audacity to just disappear” (you call the number about 10 more times…. Leave really curse word lengthy messages, or you don’t its how you handle anger anyway about an hour later)
Sadness: “I don’t know what I did but I feel so ashamed that he/she just walked away, I really thought it was something, or the beginning of something.” (This could take a really long time, to get pass)
Self doubt: “what did I do, what did I say, what happened?” “Can I fix it? Is it my weight, my boobs, my hair, my skin.. WHAT!!!??”
But with the right support system and understanding your worth and their cowardness as well as going through the process you will come out stronger, and you will experience:
Affirmations: “I am strong, confident beautiful/handsome, loving, great and grateful. I am a survivor and a leader, and I will show others to withstand silliness”
Empowerment: “I will become stronger and more confident, especially in controlling my life, and I claim my self esteem and get my power back”
Thankfulness: “Thank you god for removing that person from my life, if could do that, they were not the person for me. You will bless me with the right one at the right time, I will trust in you”
For those that Ghost, wake and see yourself in the mirror. What you have done to someone, don’t think because they are a voice and that you have simply dismissed them that you havent caused pain, or hurt to someone. Be better, grow up and be the man/woman God created you to be, and not the thing this world has turned you into.
Don’t allow ghosting to be a thing “Rebuke” this bad behavior from your dating “way of being” its not cool, its not cute and just plain mean.