Letting Go

Holding on to pain to problems to a bad relationship doesn’t fix it. Holding on to the past, doesn’t change it. You will replay the issue over and over and over again, the “what if’s” the “could have been’s”  the outcome is the same. Acceptance is hard, and can be one of the hardest things you have to learn when you are letting go. Like most things, there is a process. You may have to “rip off the bandaid” and just let go and walk away and have the reminants haunt you a bit until you are numb with time and open to acceptance or you have to go through a process in order to “let go” to ease the transition and help negate the “how come and why me’s” But no matter what at some point in your life, you have to “letgo” of something that is hurting, upsetting or holding YOU back.

Painful feelings can be comfortable, especially if that’s all you know. Because there is comfort in dysfunction. Some have trouble letting go of their pain and become defined by it. In some ways, you may not know who you are without the pain. It feels  impossible to let go because you feel as though you are losing yourself.

Defining it

You are not defined by what hurts you, you are not defined by your past. This thing, this problem, this person, these feelings are real. But they do not make you, they may be a part of you but they are not you. What or whomever has hurt you, allows a door to be opened that spills out your emotions, and you handle it however you handle it. You cry, you scream, you become immobile, you may not have emotion at all just actions but no mater how you handle it, its an extension of you. A byproduct of the emotional umbrella you carry, because your past “Caused” you to be a certain way, does not define who you are. It may indicate a way of being that has been created that is a survival mechanism in order to cope, but it doesn’t define you. 

  • Define it!!!  Heartbroken, name the relationship or who broke your heart
  • loss ( a loved one, someone left you) 
  • Pain. ( something you have caused, or someone caused in you) 

But Because you were heart broken, you may be guarded, colder, a skeptic but its based on your past knowledge or experience. The Definition of you, was that of love, hope, joy and happiness no issues at all and then someone came in and stomped on it. What we want to do is still enjoy all those emotions and chalk it up to this one person, and let it not change you. But unfortunately that doesn’t happen, the feelings of hurt is absorbed and we don’t learn from it, but we learn not to let it happen again because the pain is to great, so we develop coping mechanisms.  

Your coping mechanism may need to be temporary, in order to help you get through your season of hurt and pain, but then put it back in the box and be you again a better you, a smarter you, a free you. So you can love again and be happy again. 

Realizing it 

Now you know what this is, you know what it looks like and you realize you have to let this go!!” I got to free myself before it takes me down”.  You have to set realistic expectations and truly realize what you need to do through this process. 

Unrealistic Expectations can cause a bevy of fear and confusion because the outcomes will not be as you have envision the exacerbates fear, creates more resentment and eventually more sadness and guarded feelings. The outcomes are the outcomes, there are no guarantees that the way you think your process will be will go exactly as planned. When you defined this thing, this person that has to be let go, They may be hurt, There may be a ripple amongst your masses that stem from letting go of whatever it is.  But nonetheless, weighing all avenues if letting it go saves you, then be saved and don’t limit yourself on what you can achieve and base it on others limitations such as : “I cant go this far, because no one else has,” or stay to be a superhero “I can’t let him/her go I don’t want them to do this to anyone else”  

Malarkey!!!!  You can’t change another person, so don’t waste your time, when holding onto someone causes your energy to deplete, your time to shorten or your money to disappear, then move on!

Find your why

Why are you letting go? To save you, to save your family, to save your finances, to save your sanity. Why should you let it go, the past is dragging you down so you cant move forward. Your significant other is controlling, holding, hurting, taking your energy and you have to them go to live. Whatever the reason, if you feel like you have to let something go, find your “why” and hold onto it with prayer and use it to strengthen you as you remove and open your wings to fly. 

Processing it. 

“Accept the things you cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference. After you have let it go, there may be regret and resentment. You may even have self doubt, but you cannot let that hold you down, or back. You have to forgive yourself and forgive the person or past that put you here. 

Resentment and unwillingness to forgive will keep you locked in life, stuck and not moving forward and not letting anyone in. “Every man/woman you meet will hurt you so you don’t date, you don’t begin relationships.” “Everyone will leave me, so I don’t get close..” Remember: When you forgive, you aren’t doing it for the other person, you are not doing it for the past to be okay, you’re doing it for yourself. If for nothing else, you are the priority and do not be humble in this respect. You deserve to move forward so you do not apologize you forgive and process and move on. Therapy, self love, mantras, but regain a strong sense of yourself, and learn and grow from all your experiences.

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