I saw GeminiMan over the weekend. (I promise no spoilers here), But, there were many segments of the movie that resonated with me as a parent, as an adult, and as a mentor. I feel, as we grow older and have children, we become prevention specialists. We advise with hope that those, sometimes negative and often painful experiences that we endured and that shaped and molded us are not repeated. We inform them, and we teach and pray that we can tell and say just the right thing that wasn’t told to us, so that it steers them off the beaten path onto the smooth pavement.
We want to shield our children, and others from unpleasant issues, to stave off the tough problems. Although we have good intentions, our efforts to sugarcoat and to rose color the world, shields them from harsh truths unintentionally and it impedes their ability to learn from mistakes and hardships. It doesn’t allow them to build the armor needed to fight the good fight and learn that its okay to lose sometimes. We don’t allow the development of resilience that is part of the growth process.
I was always the “odd man out” wearing my emotions on my sleeve, crying at the drop of a hat. I read too much, I talked way too much, I would write all day and I would make jokes and was the ham of the group. But I always realized I was different, so as the years went by I did my best to be like others. But you cannot hide who you are, the me would seep out in given situations, and I would still do my best to hide. After a while, I believe I stopped caring, I think stopped feeling and I just became a cog in the machine.
Then my epiphany of life happening, allowed me to open my eyes fully. Finally, I am free. I broke the machine into a million pieces. Living, looking and being, but my emotions spilled out like a busted radiator. lol. I love way too hard, love the wrong ones and hurt even harder than before, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
How did I grow? My fight. I know what it feels like to be hurt, I know what it feels like to love, I know what it feels like to be rejected. I have gone through the hard times and I know there are more for me to face before I leave this life, but its mine to live its mine to learn.
Of course, I often wish I could go back and undo the done, and reopen the closed, But I cannot, the best i can do is learn and understand what was meant to be. and to prepare for those harder times.
The wounds may have healed and made me so much stronger, although I still remember, I am able to face all the negativity and issues that I tried so hard to wish away.
Now I am called those same names again, crazy, insane, cry baby, nerd, weirdo hahah….. but you know what it doesn’t matter to me, I absolutely love those names now because they reflect that I have come full circle and the real me never went away. She can love again and move on and has the strength in knowing how to walk and stand in grief, hurt and pain and keep on moving.
How to fight
Don’t be afraid of your emotions, your past or your issues. We use words like forgiveness as a band aid, and we refuse to speak about things that hurt us, instead it becomes buried resurfacing at the family picnic when passing the sweet potatoes..:) Carrying on like nothing ever happened for days, months and years. Being taught to forgive and walk away. But you are obviously not the same, and maybe that’s whats needed for you to be whole
You have to walk into the emotion and feel it. That may look like crying for 3 days straight, that may mean falling out in church and getting on your knees and screaming, or just plain screaming. But after you go through the emotion and though the process only then can you start truly seeing the light at the end of that tunnel.
Your wounds are badges, your badges are symbols and those symbols are your courage..
The point is not hiding your scars, but understanding your scars. Learning from how you got those scars and teaching. Remember as you learn, you teach as you grow you grab a hold of someone and bring them for the ride. If you were heartbroken, then maybe trying again with the same person is not the answer but learning what led up, the triggers, and recognizing the signals.
Having the fortitude to pick yourself up and keep standing is an unseen and unappreciated feat. We want to shout to the rooftops, “MY HEART WAS BROKEN BUT IM BETTER NOW SEE!!!” but its okay, the right people know and of course, GOD knows and thats all that matters ontop of learning from this situation.
Love is infinite and if you met someone that burst your heart into a million trillion pieces, its okay. because its a temporary thing, and you will wake up better, stronger and faster in your discernment. Just dont discount your feelings and wear your scars proudly.